1.Wear a watch
Watches, in my opinion, are the one thing that will never go out of style. It’s kind of like pants; it’s embarrassing when you are caught out in public without one. If you are approached by someone who would like to know the time, it’s silly to rumble around in your purse for 20 minutes trying to locate your cell phone when you could easily lift your arm, tilt your head and have the time within 20 seconds. I myself went through a non-watch period until I realized I had become too reliant on my cell phone for the time at work, and working in retail means you are not allowed to have your phone out on the job (exception:l cell phone stores). Once I started wearing a watch again I found that I no longer needed to rustle through my things trying to find my phone or find a secret hiding place that I could safely whip out my phone without my managers seeing. Now I couldn’t imagine my life without a watch.
2.Practice in your heels
It’s the absolute worst when there is a perfectly good pair of shoes that are impossible to walk in. You’ve probably seen it…you know, the stick thin 20-something wobbling and clomping across the street, clearly being worn by her shoes rather than the other way around. Heels are amazing, unless you don’t know how to walk in them. Even if you are a pro at 2.5 inch heels, if you suddenly buy a pair of 4 inch stilettos, you’re going to fall on your face or look like an idiot hobbling down the street if you haven’t practiced walking in them. Before you wear them to the club, party, or work put them on at home and practice walking around. If you’re feeling especially ballsy, walk your dog in them around the block a couple of times.Until you can walk in them without dragging or pushing along the floor, you’re not ready. And also, you’ll look like Quasimodo or a lush, or both, and no one wants to be a drunk hunchback.
3. Ditch the sweatpants in public
I get it, you want to be comfortable. You can be comfortable without looking like you’ve given up on life. Unless you are on your way to or from the gym or some form of physical fitness class, or you were rushed to the hospital before you had a chance to change or grab a spare set of clothes, you look like a lazy slob. That’s right, I’ll say it again: LAZY SLOB (in case your laziness blocked out the first time I said it). Want to know why you can’t get a date? It’s probably because you look like you don’t give two shits about your appearance, which translates to you not giving two shits about the state of your life, i.e. apartment, job, education, relationships. On the contrary, if your fashion sweats are made of velour or have trashy words across the butt, it makes you look like a high maintenance, desperate wannabe. It doesn’t matter how wonderful of a person you are, because I’m very confident you are wonderful, in our society first impressions are important. Find a pair of jeans that move with your body and you’ll discover that it’s every bit as comfortable as your ugly sweatpants.
4.Use a tailor
Not all clothes off the rack will fit your body the way you imagined. A good tailor will make these clothes look like they were made for you-because they were. Here is where you object: “Oh, tailors are soooo expensive,” “I just don’t have the time,” “But I have a funny shaped body and nothing will fit me ever, wah.” And here is where I tell you why you’re wrong: For starters, unless you have 30 items to be fixed, going to the tailor will take about 15 minutes of your day. Chances are you have a great one a few blocks from your house. Many retailers offer in house tailors as well, which means you leave them with the tailor as you purchase the item and pick it up at your convenience. Most fixes will cost between 10 and 30 dollars, depending on the amount of work being done. I had a men’s wool coat that I had completely tailored to fit me- I’m talking length, width, and sleeve shape- and it cost me about 30 bucks total. In the long run, getting something tailored will save you money because you won’t be as likely to spend on disposable items that will need to be replaced in 2 weeks. Oh, you have a funny shaped body? You’re preachin’ to the choir, darling. That’s what tailors specialize in: changing the shape of a garment to fit you specifically.
5. Quit caring about the number on the tag
At any given point in time, my size ranges between an 8 and a 14. My hips sort of resemble when a snake has just eaten a rat and there’s that bulge half way down his body…I’m proportional everywhere except for my giant hips; this makes it impossible to find a uniform size. It really depends on the company. Unfortunately, our society places a lot of emphasis on body shape, weight, and size. Likewise, there isn’t a size standard among retailers. Certain brands run larger or smaller than others and it really takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what size you are for each company. I completely understand the trauma of picking up a dress in a size you think will fit and then you end up looking like a stuffed sausage. It’s awful and quite often can result in a flood of tears followed by a screaming fit, but it’s really important to remember that it doesn’t matter what number is on the tag. What is important is how the clothes look on you; conforming to a specific number across brands may not work for your body and may end up making you look larger than you really are (stuffed sausage, remember?) Anyway, unless you forget to snip the sales tag, no one is going to know what size your shirt is besides you.
